I feel like a curmudgeon. These past two months have been kind of hectic, like the Universe decided to kick me in the pants and I'm trying to figure out what it is I need to get a clue about.
Lessons I Should Probably Remember:
1. It's ok to ask for help - during my whole experience with my recently paid off car, I had to ask my mom for help. I hate asking for help from anyone. Usually, I just suffer and feel like crap about my self. But this time, I asked, it felt awful but overall, I'm not beating myself up about it. Because really, that just makes me sick mentally and physically.
2. Save money, stay in town - so due to the car stuff, I'm staying home for Turkey Day. The brighter side, I'm going to hang out with Ambookgeek. Also, my friends are awesome and have invited me to Turkey Day festivities so I had those options but I'm really looking forward to a movie and Chinese food. Also, Headphonerecord and Felicious will be in town for the weekend so I will get to spend some time with them too because I miss them so much!
3. Potlucks are the bomb, but plan it for the weekend - This wednesday we had our potluck and hello, can I just tell you my friends know how to cook!!! Amazing! Amazing mac & cheese, delicious stuffed dates wrapped in bacon, yummy cornbread muffins, mashed potatoes, spicy spicy greens, the best sweet potatoes (hold the marshmallows but throw on the crumb topping), turkey, ham, cheese plate goodness! Such a fun time. We missed some people but hopefully next year, if we do it over a Friday night we can actually not feel guilty about enjoying the cocktails and staying up late.
4. Open the door and let people in - I started a hula class and am starting to hang out with my other coworkers. I tend to like to keep things together but separate. Does that make sense? I try not to have the lines of my life cross over too much but this year, I have approached things differently. So, now I'm in the hula class that is actually testing the lines I have drawn. It makes me uncomfortable but I'm also feeling a little better about things. I just have a hard time trusting people and this class, for some reason, is really pushing that wall. I don't know if it will ever come down completely but I think there's a little crack.
YES!
The Proust Questionnaire
Tiffany introduced it to me, via Jason via Anna. (And Sam begat William and William begat..)
I like these types of exercises, especially when I'm foggy and panicked generally unclear (as this Monday morning finds me). The Proust questionnaire is named for the French writer Marcel Proust, serving as the inspiration for more introspective interviews, an exercise in self exploration and a peak into the true motivations of the people providing the answers.
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Emotional health and physical health, the ability to cover my expenses without any great anxiety, knowing without hesitation that I am loved, supported and valued by the people I love, support and value...and the freedom to create things with my own two hands.
2. What is your greatest fear?
That the things currently causing me grief, will never pass. That this, right now, is all there is to life.
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My fear of inadequacy.
4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Cowardice.
5. Which living person do you most admire?
My aunt Elizabeth. She finds the growth in every challenge. She does amazing things but remains incredibly humble. She can hug you and reduce you to tears just from the love coming from her pores. She sees the best in you and never lets you deny that it is there. She finds joy and beauty in the things many take for granted. She's faced incredible adversity with the courage of a lion and never reduces herself to bitterness. She loves hard, thinks unselfishly, fights for what she believes in and...she's just a wonder.
6. What is your greatest extravagance?
Art supplies.
7. What is your current state of mind?
Afraid. Confused. Scattered. Isolated.
8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Chastity. But only because of the other recognized virtues, it is the one least inclined to impede your ability to be a healthy, happy, productive individual. I know lots of people that ain't "chaste" but live life with fulfillment and purpose.
9. On what occasion do you lie?
When I'm afraid that the truth is going to really hurt someone with no positive consequence, self included.
10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My stomach.
11. Which living person do you most despise?
Well, there are a lot of people I don't like. The world is chock full of regrettable people. Though I find it more often to be a curse more than a blessing, I can sympathy or empathy for most. The living person I most despise right now might be Rush Limbaugh. He's dangerous and stirs unscrupulous passions for his own amusement. That sort of small minded deviance works on my ability to think kind thoughts.
12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Integrity. Not just one's ability to speak truthfully, but to do so at the cost of your own comfort and ease. Someone that is willing to be seen for who they are. To stand in their truth and not the shadow of what they want others to believe they are.
13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Grace. The ability to consider feelings and actions with wisdom and well being and to act gracefully even when it might be difficult to do so.
14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
I can't.
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My dog. I can always count on her to love me, tend to my wounded feelings and remind me that there's a being out here that will always give as much as or more than she takes. My childhood best friend, Jameel. Over thirty years and going strong. He's been the only one to always be there, to protect me on those occasions I couldn't protect myself and to keep all of my truest thoughts, fears and feelings safe and secure. He's probably the only person I've known that closely or long who has never snatched the rug out from under me.
16. When and where were you happiest?
The day I graduated from college and saw absolute blissful joy and delight on my father's face, knowing I had everything to do with it. A time long ago when I thought I was in love with someone just as in love with me. While everything else is in that story is but a work of fiction, that feeling I had was truer than most anything I've ever experienced. And I try to remain grateful for it.
17. Which talent would you most like to have?
The ability to read minds.
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My tendency toward self-preoccupation.
19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I think that's yet to be discovered.
20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
An eagle. (feathers, not helmets)
21. Where would you most like to live?
Sometimes I think New Mexico. Loads of pottery there, lots of ceramic inspiration, still away from the hustle and bustle of life in a city. Places I would spend a year or two? London. Toronto. New Zealand. Portugal.
22. What is your most treasured possession?
My laptop.
23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
A life with no other passion but material gain or personal recognition.
24. What is your favorite occupation?
Potter. Followed by writer.
25. What is your most marked characteristic?
I honestly don't know. I don't trust that I've ever had a clear lens for how others see/observe me.
26. What do you most value in your friends?
Their sincerity.
27. Who are your favorite writers?
Neil Gaiman, Octavia Butler, Pearl Cleage, Paulo Coehlo, C.S. Lewis, Anchee Min, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Maya Angelou
28. Who is your hero of fiction?
Ellen Ripley from the Alien series.
29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
I don't think I know enough about the inner workings of any historical figure to say who that person would be.
30. Who are your heroes in real life?
The people who are driven each and every day to the commitment of human services, community service and charitable efforts.
Good morning! Getting ready to run 9 miles with Miss K. Blades is off at her mom's so she's not joining us today. I would rather be curled up in bed because (1) it's still dark out (2) it's freezing out there and (3) I'm still sleepy!
So, in order to wake up, I thought I'd listen to this ridiculous Narwhal Song. I don't even know what cartoon it's for..all I know is it's cracking me up.
Another plus for this morning..the House passes a health reform bill!!!
All right..off to torture my body! Happy Sunday Folks!
And before I begin let me qualify my thoughts as I am a Cancerian and emotionally-driven person who cries when she's happy, cries when she's said and many times feels first and thinks second.
Don't make sensitivity a weapon.
I'm all for explaining to people that you may potentially be thin-skinned and making requests to consider your heart before entering into a potentially combustible dialogue. At all times we should take into consideration how our thoughts and expressions of them may make others feel. A defensive maneuver will almost always beget a defensive maneuver. It's the fundamental rule to conflict. You hit me, it hurts. I hit back, you hurt and the dance escalates until two people are saying or doing regrettable things. Rather than using your sensitivity as a license to kill, use it as a means to find more productive ways to speak with love. Rather than letting your sensitivity give you an unrealistic sense of entitlement and petulant expectation, try and commit to the notion that it always takes two parties to create a disagreeable relationship conflict. You are hurt...in some ways big or small, they are likely hurting, too.
Don't make sensitivity a wall to constructive criticism.
There comes a time in every adult's life when you have to suck it up and face tough talk. Especially when the tough talk potentially saves you from a choice, an action or measure that could have long-term or especially painful consequences. While I am sensitive, I expect and almost demand that the people I love, give it to me straight, particularly when I screw something up. Because I am human. I am going to do that. And yes, you can give straight talk without pulling out the clubs and knives. So keep in mind that sometimes when people speak sternly to you, it is more important to identify the value in their statement...especially when you know behind the annoyance that statement is coming from a place of love. It's nice to hear only about the wonderful things we do; but it's better to hear about the ways we can grow and elevate to keep amazing ourselves and others. Never use your 'sensitivity' as a means to avoid owning your stuff.
And you know how I feel about owning your stuff.
I was working out at the school gym and they have a nice TV with cable on it so I was watching AM on MTV because I need to know what the kids are listening to these days and this commercial came on! WT? Um, I know, I am probably late to the game but really shake weight...really?!?!?
It's just like that Schick Quattro Commercial!
But I was cracking up with this shake weight commercial. Because hello! yes, my mind went there!
And then I saw this on YouTube
um..ok Shake Weight..O.K.
Ok, one of my students showed me thing..(um..someone just started singing "blame it on the ..a..a.a..alcohol..." walking out of the library)..let me focus...Bourne 4 is coming out but this movie, "Green Zone" is just like all the Bourne movies!
Hey there friends. Yes, it's that time of year again. The time when I post photos of my clay babies and announce I'm selling them on the innurnets.
I try to limit how often I do these updates here, especially since I have a pottery blog that I use neglect for those purposes. But I did want to share my progress with you because I figured you'd like to see them I could use the supplemental income.
I've graduated to lids, casserole dishes and bigger bowls and plates. We're moving on up.
To ooh and ahh, see below. To shop, you can find me here.
Deth P. Sun "Please Be Brave", GR2 Los Angeles November 14-December 2
Originally uploaded by Marci and Deth.
Mark your calendars! Nov.14..I'm putting it in my calendar right now!
by a kid...
Last night, I chaperoned a school dance. I also agreed to dress up and help scare students in the haunted hallway.
Who knew it would be so dangerous?!?!
I was standing behind one of the curtains that lined up against the wall waiting for kids to come through. It was actually set up really nicely. They even had fog machines and lots of Halloween decorations, creepy sculptures, lights and a pretty good spooky soundtrack.
I was already at my station for about 15 minutes and I expected some pushing...I know, when I'm scared I hit. That's why I don't go to those haunted mazes and parks during Halloween...I'll fight someone. You just have to be honest with your self and admit that you can't do certain things. I hope this kid realizes that he just can't do scary.
So, I'm waiting, and a couple times kids were all "don't scare me." so I just hung back behind the curtain. Plus, it was kind of impossible to see through the mask I had on...
Then this group comes through and the girls are squeeling and there was this one kid. I noticed him earlier and I thought, "whoa. is that kid a high schooler?" Also when I got there, 2 kids tried to take the mask off one of the other teachers and totally scratched her face because the mask is this cheap stiff plastic. So I expected some reactions. But this kid...this kid was walking through yelling "don't scare me or I'll punch you in the face!" I was all "ok." and then I went flat against the wall. But this kid is punching his way through the hallway and clocked me right in the face. He hit me right on the nose and my upper lip and pushed that mask into my face and it fell off. I admit I was like "oh hell no!" I was like "who punched me in the face?!?" I come out and it's that kid! He's tall and hefty! He's all "oh...sorry." I'm like "no, you don't punch going through."
I took him out and told this teacher and this guy did nothing. I turn around because no one told me what the protocol was to deal with this and I was pissed. I turn around and the kid is walking away laughing. I grab another teacher and luckily he totally gave that kid a talking too. Thank goodness because honestly, nothing happened. That kid was still there dancing it out til the end of the dance. I also think some of my colleagues didn't believe me. At one point once of them said "oh he said he was patting the walls." I'm like my lip and nose wouldn't feel life this if he was patting the walls. Sorry, no. That sucks but whatever. I don't even think he was supposed to be there. Anyway, I think that's the last time I'll be chaperoning a dance for a while.
It was a fun idea but if you have people getting injured...not such a good idea.
Now my upper lip and my nose feel weird and are slightly swollen. Luckily it's not noticeable but geez man..if you can't handle being scared why are you going to go into a haunted hallway punching at the curtains like that...Just stay out.
